Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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