Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
