Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
