I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
