Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
