Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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