how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
