I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
wow bdsm is so cute
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
