i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
They have beer where we have blood.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
