I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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