He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
