doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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