We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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