I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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