i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
