im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
