I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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