woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
