There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
