the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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