I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
