Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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