U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i think i have herpe
just one?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
