I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
