i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
