What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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