it hurts more in the daytime
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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