yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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