Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
