I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
