i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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