Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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