i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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