i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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