were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
