i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
