Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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