I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
