this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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