Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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