You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
