Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
