about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
