thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
