How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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