I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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