...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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