they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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