I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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