Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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