Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
