did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize