We need to rekindle our bromance
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
