Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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