I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
