that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
