I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
