apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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