shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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