A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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