I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
