i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
